Category Archives: Daily Living

Being Authentic

At a meeting earlier this week, I found myself criticizing a friend’s opinion of someone else’s work.  She admitted to relating to it from a specific perspective which, in my view, was not at all objective.  Her feedback was colored by this and I called her on it.  While saying what I had to say, I found myself thinking:  “What are you doing? This is your friend.  Am I being too hard on or unfair to her?”  This insight did not, however, stop me from my little rant. So I phoned this morning to explain and apologize, which I believe was the right thing to do.

This incident is bringing up a lot of feelings.  Here’s my analysis.

Sometimes the gap between speaking my truth and wanting to be liked is so apparent to me.  Is this gap closing?  Maybe it is because I really do stand by what I said to my friend.  I don’t believe that I personally attacked her, but I sense she felt that way, which is why I apologized.  She is a nice person and has been so supportive of me that I don’t want to antagonize or push her away. (I believe this is called co-dependency)  But in taking a deeper look at this — and this parallels my relationship with other people – I, rather my EGO wants and needs to be liked, to be stroked.

Because I am lucky enough to have several people in my life who love me enough to call me on my “stuff”, I’m learning that I don’t wish to ignore my own behavior anymore.  It is my need to be liked that drives me to say what is easy and popular but not necessarily what I truly think, and it’s not healthy for me anymore.  Let’s just say this behavior was a survival tactic that brought me to where I am today and that it is no longer working;.  In fact, it is hampering my growth.  Perhaps this person’s role in my life thus far was to bring this lesson home.   In addition, my friend has also shown me this: that someone can believe in me to a much greater degree than I am capable of believing in myself at present.  And they don’t seem to want much more from me than that reciprocal belief in return. If, in fact, I do truly feel that way.

So on this snowy January morning, I can get back to the normal business of the day. And while I do this, I will take this insight with me.  Let’s see where it leads.  As always, it is part of The Journey.

It is with mixed emotions that I end this phase of my journey of 2014.  So much is now behind me; so many important things, people, events.  There’s definitely a part of me that wants to stay right here because it’s comfortable — sort of wading, hanging out in the past.  In a way, that is what I’ve been doing for the past few years.  And, I am now aware, it’s where I’ve needed to be.  Making peace with yesterday has for me been a necessary step.  So now, I am moving forward — completing what I can and leaving the rest.  Just leaving it.  Not burying it, stuffing or ignoring it.  Just leaving it where it sits, like items I’m giving to charity, waiting for them to be picked up and removed.  Because I don’t need or want them any longer, I’m giving them away.

The future looms, not in an ominous way, more like a path through a forest or an open highway.  It’s there, just waiting for me to take it.  There are roads veering off the the right and left, some dead ends and some leading to an entirely different road.  Of course I don’t know where they lead, and that’s part of the fun, the excitement.  It’s all a choice — a big, wonderful choice!  And because I have The One holding my hand throughout each step, encouraging me to take the next step, I trust that I’ll be taken care of, I’ll be safe.

There’s so much to learn; so much more to be revealed.  I’m excited!  And I’m not alone.  There are many like me out here, walking in this world.  Walking with hope and trust.  Taking that next step with less fear, and lots more faith.

Happy 2015!

 

“You’re not the only one with mixed emotions.  You’re not the only ship adrift on this ocean.”                        Mixed Emotions, Rolling Stones                                                                 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLx-xdBMJTA

 

Joy!

How many words can you find to express your pleasure in the day?  Here’s a few of mine:

Gratitude                      Confidence                             Faith                               Hope

Choice                               Forgiveness                        Health                          Friendship

Love                                 Kindness                                Harmony                       Passion

Appreciation                    Blessings                                Peace                            Energy

Creativity                         Opportunity                          Health                            Family

 

Make it a great day.

Namaste.