Being Authentic

At a meeting earlier this week, I found myself criticizing a friend’s opinion of someone else’s work.  She admitted to relating to it from a specific perspective which, in my view, was not at all objective.  Her feedback was colored by this and I called her on it.  While saying what I had to say, I found myself thinking:  “What are you doing? This is your friend.  Am I being too hard on or unfair to her?”  This insight did not, however, stop me from my little rant. So I phoned this morning to explain and apologize, which I believe was the right thing to do.

This incident is bringing up a lot of feelings.  Here’s my analysis.

Sometimes the gap between speaking my truth and wanting to be liked is so apparent to me.  Is this gap closing?  Maybe it is because I really do stand by what I said to my friend.  I don’t believe that I personally attacked her, but I sense she felt that way, which is why I apologized.  She is a nice person and has been so supportive of me that I don’t want to antagonize or push her away. (I believe this is called co-dependency)  But in taking a deeper look at this — and this parallels my relationship with other people – I, rather my EGO wants and needs to be liked, to be stroked.

Because I am lucky enough to have several people in my life who love me enough to call me on my “stuff”, I’m learning that I don’t wish to ignore my own behavior anymore.  It is my need to be liked that drives me to say what is easy and popular but not necessarily what I truly think, and it’s not healthy for me anymore.  Let’s just say this behavior was a survival tactic that brought me to where I am today and that it is no longer working;.  In fact, it is hampering my growth.  Perhaps this person’s role in my life thus far was to bring this lesson home.   In addition, my friend has also shown me this: that someone can believe in me to a much greater degree than I am capable of believing in myself at present.  And they don’t seem to want much more from me than that reciprocal belief in return. If, in fact, I do truly feel that way.

So on this snowy January morning, I can get back to the normal business of the day. And while I do this, I will take this insight with me.  Let’s see where it leads.  As always, it is part of The Journey.

About katystarr

A traveler, seeker and explorer. Occasionally a philosopher. Doing what I can to simplify and attain a more peaceful life.

Posted on January 20, 2015, in Daily Living, Female Wisdom, Meditations, Personal Development, recovery. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Love this! It is very true and real.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Het Katy … It’s Alicia Smith and Marlisa Mclaughlin from In A Fisherman’s Language . We met at Foxwoods at the G Spa . If this is you I will feel ever so grateful , I really enjoyed your company and hoped we would meet again . Did you mark off your calander for next Friday … February the 13th , my birthday party at the G Spa ! We have so much fun planned and are hoping you are going to join us . We plan on getting there by 10:00 am and spend the entire day there ! I will give you our numbers via email and we can let you know more . Your site is amazing !!!


  3. Being authentic is such a challenging act of Being for all the reasons you address in this blog. I can totally relate, and I appreciate your honesty here, because I believe that the only way to become more authentic is to find the courage to realize and admit to the “sugar coating”, intended to gain approval and/or camouflage real opinions or feelings, and move on. I find as I age, I feel that I am far more judgmental than I thought I was in my earlier years. This bothers me so, because I have evolved throughout these decades believing myself to be a loving, open minded, non judgmental person. As I try to guide my young adult children, I realize I am not as accepting as I believed myself to be. I am mindful about being authentic and I make full effort to interact with honesty and grace, but I am aware that sometimes I fall short. I am learning to say less -or nothing at all, when a situation arises that triggers an opinion, and I try to identify why it triggered me and follow it to the source of judgment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have driven my life with the desire to be and/or become authentic and admire your commitment to honesty at the cost of your ego and emotion. I find it sometimes so challenging to interact when I recognize the difference between my desire for acceptance vs. personal truth. I’m learning to remain silent and reflect when triggered because the act of throwing my authentic self under the bus in exchange for relationship safety so defeats the purpose of becoming True. Relationships are richer and clearer when the exchange is a reflection of the authentic self anyway, and the old saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all” is helpful to me when I really feel the urge or need to want to add to the conversation. As I age and become more authentic, I realize that what I once thought was open minded and easy going was actually judgement camouflaged in my desire to be accepted. Fine lines alright. What a freedom to just admit to myself that I am being judgmental, then deal with it, than to believe I am not and be less real. In an emotional detective’s world, judgement can clue to pain and suffering, which can lead to healing, if desired. There are no short cuts and I’m accepting the fact that it’s better to be alone with a clear conscience that in company feeling like an impostor! Sure am glad we met and that we both wish to be true ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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